Why? Because it was 2002, man, you weren't there. I gave it 78%! This was a game about a New York lawyer who'd been sent to France to sort out some sort of issue with a will over a clockwork toy factory. And then, out of the blue, like a shining golden goblet atop a mountain of rotting arse, it was. Into this mire of bubbling shite appeared Syberia, looking like it was going to be exactly the same as the rest, the same overly glossy pre-rendered sheen, the same generic white 20-something like-a-cop female with a mobile phone that starred in 90% of them, the same ludicrous premise and cruddy menus. Because, as I've said before and I'll say again, adventure game fans are like heroin addicts: any game is a hit. Oh the forum wars that would erupt, the furious missives on the PC Gamer message boards, the angry letters. (All of which are reviewed in my archaic archive of early reviews, fans.) And oh boy, the hate I would receive for giving these dreadful games the low, low marks they deserved. Games like Curse: The Eye Of Isis, Dracula (Resurrection), The Black Mirror, Schizm: Mysterious Journey, and Jerusalem: The 3 Roads To The Holy Land.

The original Syberia was released in 2002, a time during which I paid my rent by writing reviews of the endless sloughing of barely translated adventure games from Europe into our shores. How do I know this? Because, man, I was there for Syberia 2, man. If the game came to the homes of their families and stole all their valuables, and then sold those valuables and used the proceeds to take out an advertising campaign in which they stated, 'Everyone who loves Syberia 3 is a paedophile', these people would still love Syberia 3, and send threatening messages to anyone who disagreed. If playing it caused them to develop sores all over their bodies, grow pustules that bubbled and burned, and wretched sickness and diarrhoea bugs afflict them and all their loved ones, they would refuse to hear a word said against it. If the released game were just a black screen from which only terrifying abuse were endlessly screamed, they would love it. There is a group of people who are going to buy Syberia 3, and they are going to love Syberia 3, no matter what it's like.